Liddy the Gator, a Litigator

Liddy the Gator is a Litigator

She’s always off to work early, home later and later

Peeking in at her hatchling through the crack of her door

She asks herself: What am I doing this for?

So Liddy thought up a story, a fun way to say

The work that Mom does while she’s gone for the day

But hang on to your blanket—litigators are wordy

We must get you to sleep by at least 9 or 10:30

It starts with a beaver who lives on the creek

Tooth is his name, he’s so mad he can’t speak

“I hired Buck,” he says, “to build me a lodge”

“I paid him two quarters, and he got out of dodge!”

“If I find him, there’s no end to what I might do

I don’t care what it costs—I’m ready to sue”

Liddy first tries to talk Tooth down off the ledge

“We’ll send Buck a letter, we’ll confront him instead”

“He’ll answer for not doing what you paid him to do

For not building your house, for not seeing this through”

And if he doesn’t, we’ll sue him! Then we’ll dig and we’ll dig

We’ll do some Discovery: turn over every rock, every twig

Discovery lets us ask questions of Buck and his friends

How much can you know? (Well, how much can you spend?)

Enter Roger and Tori—for Interrogatories—

You won’t hear that word in every bedtime story

And Esther the Fish, my legal assistant

Will write up and send Buck a Request for Admissions

In those we’ll have Buck make a decision:

To admit what he did, or admit what he didn’t

We interview him too, in a recorded Deposition

Are you still awake? Try to stick with me, listen:

The Swamp is where we go now, to meet a jury of Buck’s peers

Made up of porcupines, frogs, chipmunks, and deer

What Liddy does next, is litigate this mess

Down at the Swamp in her very best dress

And finally, when the case comes to a close

Buck’s lawyer’s had all he can handle, and goes:

“Let’s resolve this case now. Between you and me,

Buck will build Tooth the house, he will build it for free”

“He’ll pay you your fees, plus two quarters—with interest

“Let’s end this,” he’ll say, “all this swamp ’n’ muck business”

Let’s end this fight, this mudslinging and strife—

We call this a Settlement, and it’ll add years to your life

Can both sides agree? Yes they will indeed!

98 and three quarters percent guaranteed!

After all, Liddy just wants more time and more fun

An evening or three spent with her little ones

Though settling in life is not the best path

In the Swamp, you see, it’s like taking a bath

So though your teeth may be sharp, and you’ll grow big and strong

Remember my child, it’s OK to be wrong

And in the swamp as in life, it’s best to agree

It gives me more time for the you and the me

For when I’m home in time for a story and kiss

A trial is not worth missing moments like this

And finally, we’ve arrived at the end of Mom’s little ditty:

Just another day in the life of a gator named Liddy